Dedicated to the pursuit of truth and the protection of constitutional freedoms
The Press refers to news media organizations, journalists, and individuals who gather, verify, and disseminate information to the public. This includes traditional newspapers, television news, radio journalism, digital publications, independent journalists, bloggers, podcasters, and citizen journalists who report on matters of public interest.
The press serves as a crucial check on government power and provides citizens with the information necessary for democratic participation. The term encompasses both institutional media organizations and individual journalists working independently.
A Journalist is any person who regularly gathers, writes, edits, or disseminates news or information to the public. This includes:
• Traditional journalists employed by newspapers, magazines, television, or radio stations
• Freelance reporters who contribute to multiple publications
• Independent journalists who publish through their own platforms
• Citizen journalists who report on events in their communities
• Bloggers and podcasters who regularly cover news and current events
• Documentary filmmakers who investigate and report on issues of public concern
The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution protects freedom of the press without requiring journalists to have special licenses, credentials, or formal training. Any person engaged in gathering and disseminating news to the public is entitled to press protections under the Constitution.
Courts have consistently ruled that press freedom is not limited to traditional media outlets or credentialed journalists. The digital age has democratized journalism, and constitutional protections extend to all who perform the essential function of informing the public.
In recognition of the fundamental principle enshrined in the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, which guarantees that "Congress shall make no law… abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press," this initiative seeks to protect and empower independent journalists in their vital role as guardians of democracy.
The Press Pass represents more than mere identification; it embodies the constitutional covenant between a free society and those who dedicate themselves to the pursuit of truth, the documentation of events, and the preservation of the historical record.
We believe that every citizen has the right to seek, receive, and share information. This press credential generator supports the fundamental democratic principle that a free press is essential to holding power accountable and keeping the public informed.
Maple leaf because paper comes from trees…
(Because You Don't Need a Fancy-Laminated Plastic Badge to Have the First Amendment, Genius)
This here maple-leaf-certified "press credential" is as legit as a three-dollar bill and exists solely to make people in uniforms feel like you're part of some "real news." Spoiler alert: YOU ALREADY ARE. The First Amendment didn't come with a lanyard or a hologram. You don't need Stack, Murphy, or some busted "media access" tag blessed by the Ministry of Truth. YOU are the press. Congratulations. Now go document corruption, champ.
By holding this glorified grocery-store-rewards-card, you solemnly swear to be more ethical than 90% of the blue-checked media bots on Twitter. That means:
✔ Report facts.
✔ Protect whistleblowers.
✔ Expose corruption.
✔ Call out government lies.
✔ And if you screw up, just admit it like a grown-up.
(Unlike the New York Times, which will gaslight you until the end of time.)
Just because you're holding this mighty maple-leaf pass doesn't mean tyrants won't trample your rights. If you're near a corrupt city hall, expect illegal arrest, surveillance, and being tackled by angry mall cops in polyester uniforms. This pass won't save you—but the Constitution might. So keep filming, keep fighting, and keep your lawyer on speed dial.
You agree that if you get sued, arrested, or chased by goons in Stack's thuggish entourage, you will not blame this pass, Leroy Truth, or any maple tree in the tri-state area. This card is satire. You are brave. And corruption hates sunlight, so keep shining.
This badge may be "revoked" if you start cozying up to corrupt mayors, reprinting government press releases without a fact check, or suddenly refer to Phil Murphy as "a bold visionary leader."
In that case, please return this badge to:
The Nearest Toilet.
The real Press Pass is the U.S. Constitution.
If you're recording truth, exposing lies, and holding tyrants accountable,
YOU ARE THE PRESS.
No permission slip required.
No laminate needed.
No maple leaves harmed. 🍁
Complete this form to receive your professional press pass